The BS Files #13
Fear is Wild
When I was 5 years old, I was in kindergarten playing “hide the rock” with my friend. I decided to put it in my ear. She never found it.
When I went to get it out, I pushed it further in. I was terrified. I couldn’t hear, it was blocking my canal.
I slept on my left side every single night and prayed that it would fall out. I did that cycle every single night, sleeping on the left side, and prayed until I was 12 years old.
One night I had excruciating pain in my ear, and it was bleeding, so I went and told my mom what I had done so long ago. She started laughing and didn’t believe me.
She told my aunt what I said, and my aunt came and picked me up and took me to the E.R, where they indeed said there was an obstruction sitting against my ear drum. My ear drum was bursting.
They called my mom and scheduled surgery. They indeed removed a pebble from ear.
The rock had been in my ear for 7 fucking years. In those 7 years, I told one little girl, my friend Krissy Childs. (I have no idea how I remember her name).
So, if you ever need to tell a secret, I’m your girl.
I can hold some shit in. I’m also determined as fuck. I was determined and disciplined enough to never forget that rock was in my head and sleep on that side every single night of my life.
That is 2,555 days I lived in fear that I would die from a pebble. Fear of telling my mom. What a horrible fucking thing for a 5-year-old girl to be terrified of.
Moral of this story isn’t so much about me keeping a fucking secret or my stubbornness, as it is about asking you to NEVER do anything to make your children fear you so much that they would risk physical harm over talking to you.
Please keep an open line of communication with your kids. A child should never live in fear, EVER. A home is meant to be safe, and parents should be protectors.
Secondly, believe them. Kids should be innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around.
If you’re my age, it goes with grandchildren too. Be the change. Be the one they can come to. Be the one they can talk to. Be their safe haven.
P.S. My nickname was Rocky after this. My friends called me that because I was a scrapper and because of the pebble. It just fit 🖤
XOXO
B